You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this is an emotional support booty call
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
