I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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