wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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