the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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