i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
