Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
