I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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