He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
