I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
