she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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