At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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