Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
