I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
