Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
