Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
