the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
