Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
