this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's blow job season.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We are all done wearing pants today
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
