there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
