Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
