brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
