She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
