I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
