I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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