This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
