It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
