my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize