i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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