no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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