I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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