So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
