I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
not ubering you a puppy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
