i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
either way he was missing a nipple.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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