I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
