Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
