Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
