Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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