When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i will never coherently bang her
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Text me some of your sweat
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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