Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
