Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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