You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
