it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
