This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
