Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My ass is underappreciated
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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