I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
