Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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