i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
