Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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