I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
