Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
