woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
