my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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