I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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