i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
