Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
