she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
