Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
