I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
