youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
