Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
