so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
