Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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