we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
