Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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