I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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