Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
