I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
