it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
