I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
