Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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