I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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