In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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