hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
