Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
