he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
