He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
