Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
