Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
