I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
