Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
