So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
