i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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