It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
only if we run a train.
done.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
