First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
