so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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