And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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