I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I supernannyed him into submission
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize