so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
