So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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