i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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