Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
