eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize