Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
