why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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