okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
