you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
