hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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