my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have aggressive nipples.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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