did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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