Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
