She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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