My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
