Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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