Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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