Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
