We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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