I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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