I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
