Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
