handjob tips. give me some.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
