I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
