Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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