My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
